The Juice

There’s a guy in the gym, nice guy, but he keeps to himself.  At least he did not talk with me.  He trains people and he keeps an intense look on his face.  Better do what he says!

One day a young lady was next to me on the treadmills.  She shouted down to the ‘intense’ trainer on the workout fl0or below.  “Is that a new shirt?”  She got an intense head nod in the affirmative.  ” I like it!” she shouted above the noise of the TV.  Mr. Intense smiled.  He smiled at her!  Didn’t know he could do that.  So I yelled out “I like it too!”  It was a nice purple.  He looked at me like he wanted to take my head off.  No smile.  Intense!

A couple of days later I was in one of the workout rooms talking to a friend.  Mr. Intense stepped into the large room and asked if he and his client could use some equipment in the room.  When he came in I said “Mr. Intense”, (not his real name), “the other day a pretty young lady said she liked your new shirt.  You smiled at her.  I said I also liked the shirt and you looked upset that I talked to you.  What’s up?”

Mr. Intense smiled.  Second time I’ve see that.  Looked good!  But no verbal response.

In future encounters Mr. Intense and I would pass each other and say hello.  It escalated to “How’s it going today?”  Then we moved to sentences and paragraphs.  Truth be told, I enjoyed Mr. Intense quite a bit.  So then I asked him.  Why the intense look all the time?  “It’s the persona,” he said.  “I want people to know I’m serious.”

Mr. Intense was a college football player.  He was a talented defensive end and there is no doubt in my mind that it was serious business when he mixed it up on the football field.  Intense.  But he didn’t  have to frown for someone to understand he was serious.  He just knocked them on their butt!  He got results!

With that understanding as a guideline I attempted an analogy between what he did and what he is doing.

” Mr. Intense, the gym is not the football field and you don’t have to frown for someone to understand you mean business in helping them develop their body.  Just share your skills with them, give them value and make them better.  Get the results!”  He was still looking pretty serious. “And you can smile while you do it.  In fact they might like you more and that would make it easier for them to follow your intense workout.  Encourage them with positive reinforcement and work in a smile and a ‘way to go!’ now and then.”

He didn’t hit me after I called him out.  Instead he sat back and looked at me like he was thinking about what I shared.  That’s what great players do.  They listen to the coach and then figure out how they are going to incorporate this new information into a game plan and then results.  Mr. Intense is a smart guy.

The next time we were in the gym together Mr. Intense walked up and said “Hey you got it!”

“Got what ?” I asked.  “You got the juice, ” he said.

“The juice?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said.  “You got the energy … the excitement.”  He smiled.

Mr. Intense knows what he’s doing making people better in the gym.  And now he’s sharing the energy, excitement, and the smile to add even more value to the value he brings.  He’s bringing the Juice!  And when you bring the Juice, it’s easier to get to the results!  It becomes your persona… it becomes who you are, and clients, and everyone else, will listen and respond to your suggestions when you add a little juice along with the instruction.

 

 

Speak Up!

            Let’s call him Bill.  He was up in years. Retired, he was a person who people catered to but now he was soliciting help in his many service projects.  He wanted them to listen to him.  But he mumbled, and spoke softly.  In the past Bill got away with the mumbling because he was the boss.  They had to listen.  Now he wanted others to listen but there was no requirement.  Bill asked me to help him with his communication skills.

            I had him stand deep in the corner of the room and I stood in the opposite corner and told him to talk to me.  He said I won’t be able to hear him.  I asked ”So what will you need to do?”

            Bill replied, “I’ll have to yell for you to hear me.” 

            “So yell,” I said. 

            Folks, we were making progress.  Bill vocalized what he needed to do.  Next was doing what was needed to do.

            Bill started to speak up, but it wasn’t loud enough.

            “Louder,” I encouraged.

            He spoke louder, but not loud enough.  What I wanted him to do was shout.  Go past what he needed.  Bill needed to understand what the extreme was, way past what he needed to do.

            “How about this?  Can you hear me now?” He proclaimed.

            “Louder,” I shouted at him.

            “How about this?  I am screaming at the top of my lungs!”

            “You’re getting closer,” I smiled because he was getting closer, “Just a little louder.”

            I wanted Bill to experience the extreme, what it felt like to be extremely loud.

            In addition to increasing volume some other things were happening.  Bill’s posture improved.  By trying to project his head was up, shoulders back.  He stood taller and he was leaning forward.  These are positive communication techniques, which are immediately improved by attempting to project, which Bill identified as getting louder.  But in addition to louder, Bill was using better communication techniques and his pace improved.  He was speaking slowly and separating his words. He was bringing energy!

            Although we did not talk about it, the mumbling, throwing words together, went away because of the better techniques Bill was using as he spoke louder.

            A key for Bill is to speak up.  We started to use the ‘yelling’ practice to identify the skills needed to make Bill think louder, so that he would speak louder!

            Not long after we started working together I was at a function with Bill and his family, which included grandchildren.  His grandson told me how, for the first time, he was able to understand his grandfather when they visited.  He said he talks louder and slower. 

            Bill was building for a speaking event.  He had donated to a project with a Church organization and was being honored.  Some heavyweights were there, the mayor, Archbishop, politicians, and many other distinguished guests.  Bill gave his speech.  He did a great job.  He slowed down, enunciated, used great communication posture, head up, and shoulders back.  He was great!

            Bill called the other day.  Said he spoke at a rotary.  Members of the audience said they couldn’t hear him.  I asked, “Did you project?”  He said he forgot.  Communication is something we need to practice all day, every day 24-7.  We need to make great communication part of who we are, not what we do.  Otherwise we forget.  That’s just the ways it is.  Speak up! 

Energy

Just finished speaking at a youth leadership conference in Texas.  Over three-hundred high school seniors learning life skills.  It is a powerful experience to be a part of!  I cherish the opportunity to work with them.

Texas Farm Bureau sponsors the event each year and I am honored to work with the young women and men on their presentation skills and then speak to them at their closing banquet.  If you have read my blogs in the past you know I want them to live life with an I CAN PLAY attitude.  It’s a simple process to step into self- belief and start living successfully instead of looking for success.

Each morning of the conference the leaders and counselors hosted a motivation session.  It gets the young people fired up and energized.  I like it!  What a great idea for everyone to start the day fired up and energized!  The counselors took the lead with upbeat music, line dancing hosted by a different youth team each day, beach balls batted all over the auditorium, and the counselors patrolling to encourage everyone to participate.

I thought about you and me.  What do we do to start the day?  I bet we don’t plan our day with motivation being the first event.  Perhaps if something good happens we get a little excited and the day starts off pretty good, but we wait for it to happen.  What I’m talking about is to plan for a great day and start it off with energy…with motivation.

Some of you do.  Your first event of the day is going to the gym.  You get the blood flowing and the energy level moving up.  Good idea.  Some of you hit the outdoors for a walk.  I like it!  Physical activity and an opportunity to start generating the positive ideas for the day .. get the brain working!!    Others step into prayer and devotion.  A great motivator to put life and everything about it in order and perspective.  Thank God for the people in our lives and the gifts and opportunities He has for us. Some read inspirational book in addition to the bible.  Get the juices going!

Even if you already begin your day with prayer, a walk, inspirational reading or hitting the gym, make your first thought before you leave the house …MOTIVATION.  Like the young leaders I met.  Turn the music up, and then up a little more.  Put some energy in your step, dance your way to the car or the bus stop!  Hit that ball into the air, and take a smile with you.

Here’s my final thought.  Bring energy and motivation with you wherever you go.  If you don’t bring it with you might not find it when you get there.   There’s a lot of negativity floating around.  Put motivation at the top of your list.  First thing!  Everyday!

 

 

Life Lessons

Some of life’s lessons are more difficult to learn than others.  The ones that add to your value, that make you feel better about yourself are welcome and motivating.  But there are other life lessons.  The ones where you don’t look so good.  The lesson that shows you that you need to change and get rid of a negative behavior.  The lesson where you see yourself as others see you … and you don’t like what you see.

Happened to me recently.  I was involved in an episode with a friend who sometimes rubs me the wrong way.  His behavior triggers something within me that causes me to judge him and his actions.  We were together at an event and he stepped up and did something which was offensive to me.  He did it purposefully to ridicule me.

I thought about it for a couple of days and felt it needed to be confronted.  I did.  I asked him about his previous behavior and shared that I thought it was unacceptable.  I thought we could handle this like grown-ups.  (thinking it was he who needed to act more mature.)  However once I brought the matter to the forefront I was the one who felt child-like.

He mentioned two words that went straight to my soul.  “Gary”, he said, “you act like you need confidence when you are around me by the way you treat me and what you say.”  He wasn’t finished.  “We don’t need to judge each other.”   I wasn’t ready for him to take the offensive.  I though I was going to be the one straightening everything out and facilitating the conversation.

My first thought was get back on the offensive.  Explain the situation and how he prompted the actions and the irritation.  That’s what I did.  But he kept saying things that made me think differently.  Things that made me think I was wrong.

He was right.  I needed to listen.

The truth is,  we talked and although we said we forgive and we will start over in the relationship, we walked away with that awkward feeling like it’s not really resolved.  It was only later, when I could not get rid of the discomfort and the pain in my gut that I started being honest with myself.

I did treat him poorly in this relationship and have been doing it for years.  For whatever reason, a need for superiority, lack of confidence in myself, a dis-like of his behavior, whatever the reason I did not treat him the way I treat others.  The basic truth is I need to just love the guy for who he is.

Life lessons are tough!  Especially when someone holds a mirror up for you and you don’t like what you see.  I am going to work to adjust that image I saw and experienced recently.  The first step for this most recent lesson is to allow people to be who they are and quit judging them.

 

 

 

Right Here, Right Now

When I stand in the 3rd base coaching box I attempt to get the batter to think he can hit it.  I want him to focus on the task at hand and I share encouragement.  “You can do it!”  “You’re a hitter!” “You’ve done it before you can do it again!”  I want him to believe he will be successful!

One of the phrases that the kids hear from me is “See the ball, Hit the ball!”  I want to break it down to the simplest thought we can have.

I’d like to take credit for the phrase but it came from Cincinnati baseball great, Pete Rose.  He shared that “See the Ball Hit the Ball,” when he was asked, “What do you think about when you are in the batter’s box?”   “Think!” he snarled at us while we stood with microphones outstretched to hear the all time hits-leader share his secrets.  “I don’t think … I see the ball, I hit the ball!”  Wow!  How simple.  Don’t get lost in deciding if its a curve ball or slider;  don’t worry that you are down by one run;  don’t worry that you need the win to make the playoffs.  Just focus on one thing.  “See the ball, Hit the ball.”

It’s a great philosophy for life.  What I call “Right Here, Right Now!”  That’s what we can control, that’s where we are, and Right Here, Right Now is where we can take steps to control our future.  How simple!

When I am working out in the gym, pushing weight or jogging on the tread mill it’s Right Here, Right Now that will get me to the goal I have of being in shape.  Yes, I need to plan and  see the outcome I want, but I need to focus on what I do Right Here and Right Now.   Put down the donuts  (Right Here Right Now) and speed up the treadmill (Right Here Right Now); add a few more repetitionss with the weights (Right Here Right Now.)  What I do in the present will create the future.

I need to put that philosophy to work in all parts of my life.  Health, Faith, Family, Relationships, and Career.  Each time I pick up a bat and go the plate I need to hear the 3rd base coach encouraging me ” Gary!  You can do it.  You can make the sales call!  You can get in shape!  You can deepen your relationship with Christ!  You can show Judy how much you love her!  You can let Tara know she is the best ever first grade teacher!  You can take a positive, encouraging attitude everywhere you go today.”  Gary, just be the best you can be –  RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!  Everything else will be influenced by what you do – Right Here, Right Now!

How simple!

 

 

 

 

 

Thoughts on Trust

I was working with my eight grade Sunday School class.   We have stepped into trust.  That’s a big step.

They believe what they can see and they are challenged to trust what they can not see or touch.   They are asked to have faith.  But then that’s the  reason we gather each Sunday.  It’s all about faith.   We are discussing faith in God, His Son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.   It would be so much easier if we could just show up with something they can touch or hold or examine with their hands.  It’s not that easy and that is why it’s called FAITH … or trust.

What we are called to do as individuals of Faith is to trust in something we cannot see or touch  but only understand through experience.  And then we are called to share that experienced faith so that others will see it acted out and begin to believe.

A church asked me to speak at their services.  A witness talk about stewardship.  Stewardship is about giving but first it’s about a relationship.    A relationship based on faith lived out in experiences.  The only way I know to witness my faith is to share the experiences that made the faith I have grow.

When I have presented witness talks in the past I am deeply concerned that me talking about me (my experiences) will turn people off.  “He’s just talking about himself,” I imagine the individuals in the pews will say.  They are right.  I am talking about my stories and the people in my life.  That’s how my faith is played out … in real life … my real life experience and actions while living life!

Once I start thinking this way I realize what I need.  I need trust!  Trust in God and trust in me.  Only when I share my story and my experiences will God come alive in my life.  I need to have Faith.  The very same Faith, and trust, that I am trying to get my 8th grade Sunday School class to understand.  Here’s what I have come up with.  Faith and Trust must be lived to be understood.  We experience these qualities, we don’t necessarily explain them.  That’s why they are difficult to explain.  They have to be experienced;  experienced  in challenges, in trials, in doubts, in success, in joy, in hope and in love.  Wait a minute how do you explain hope and love?

Something else you have to experience … but that’s another subject for another class.

Honesty

I have been invited to speak to the seniors at Trinity High School next week .  My son attended Trinity so there is some history here.  The school fathers teach the students to be men of character … and one of the core characteristics is honesty.  I am addressing them on that subject.

My first thought is that honesty is a wide reaching subject.  Think about it, if you had to present on honesty where would you start.  Well you would tell them to always tell the truth, be honest. But then where do you go?  It’s a broad subject.

Well, since I need to address these young men I have been focused on the subject for about three months.  Here’s what I have come up with.

Honesty is internal but it is expressed externally.  Honestly is an required navigational tool for making decisions.  Honesty is a must for great leaders so that others can trust them.  Honesty is a foundational building block for success.  Honesty helps you become comfortable with who you are and pushes you to where you want to go.

O.K. we could go on.  But what I have done is tell you what the characteristics of  honesty do for you … yes it is needed.  But how do we get ti?

Here’s how we do it.  We dig deep inside ourselves, find out who lives there, and we plan to tell the truth with that person.  We start to ask that person questions.  It makes sense doesn’t it.  If we are going to be controlled by someone we should know who is doing the controlling.

Here are the questions to ask.  1. Who am I?  2. What do I believe?  3.  What are my values s?  4.  What are my talents?  5.  What am I doing with my talents?  6. What are my dreams?  7.  What holds me back?

O.K. now, be honest!  When you are honest with yourself you know who you are, what your dreams are, and how you are going to act on your way to success.  You know what you believe and you stop worrying about what others think about you or your ideas.

I laugh at some of the goofy decisions I made through my life because I was concerned about what someone else thought of me or what I was going to do.  I wasn’t honest with myself!

Perhaps it’s part of maturity or it’s just trying and failing  ..just being honest with yourself and trust yourself.  Whatever it is, I find life is easier when I am honest with myself and base my decisions on what I know to be true .. trust myself.

O.K.  That’s what I’ll tell the students at Trinity.

 

 

 

It looks like this!

One of the challenges with delegating is to be sure that everyone understands the directions and the desired results.  One of the ways to clarify is to use the ‘it looks like this’ phrase when identifying the results or expected outcomes and the steps along the path.    Another way is to use questions in opening the minds of those to whom you assign the tasks.  Questions such as – What will your first step be?  What resources will you need?  Who do you go to for assistance when you are stuck?

Questions are great and identifying the outcome help others see the goal…and both processes are motivational.  Most know the values of questions.  I have addressed them in the past and will go deeper in a future article.  Right now let’s focus on seeing the goal before it becomes reality, and how it motivates us.   I call that vision.  It’s part of the ‘I CAN PLAY’ attitude we need for success.

About ten years ago I had a knee replacement.  The surgery was simple compared to what was next … physical therapy.  One part of the process to get my knee back to normal movement was the stationary bike.  Sounds simple for someone with good knees.   My left knee was not good.  It was swollen and sore from the surgery and I had difficulty moving it.  Back to the bike.  I could not make my left knee bend so that I could make the rotation on the bike.   The goal was to go all the way around but I couldn’t bend my knee to make the complete circle.  Too much pain!

On my fourth visit to the physical therapist Shawn greeted me with “We’re going all the way around today on the bike!”  I looked at him like he was crazy.  I can’t get my knee to bend enough to go all the way around.  Too much pain.  “No way,” I said.  Shawn looked me in the eye.  “We can do it, we’re going all the way around …today!”

I got on the bike but did not have the same expectation that Shawn expressed.  Too much pain!  Shawn noticed that I was doing what I had been doing in previous visits;  go to the point of pain on the bike, then reverse direction.  He yelled across the room, “Gary, we’re going all the way around…today!”

Shawn was good… like a teacher or coach good.  He had gained my respect, built a relationship during previous visits, and now he was setting the bar higher.  Here’s the goal … all the way around.  It was like he was saying …”IT LOOKS LIKE THIS!  All the way around.”

Shawn’s motivation, inspiration, and direction worked.  After a series of reversals, I started trying a little harder, absorbing a little more pain, visualizing what success looks like and …. I DID IT.  I went all the way around!  Once I completed the circle I let go with a loud scream!  Everybody stopped their therapy and stared.  “What’s that all about,?” is what I interpreted their staring to be asking  … so I explained the reason for the yelling.  “I went all the way around,” was my simple explanation.

It happened because Shawn got me to see success.  Without saying the exact words he got me to understand “It looks like this” and then the vision became reality.

Simple Communication

Spent a full day with teachers working on the I CAN PLAY attitude, Teamership, Leadership, and Influence.  I have decided it all comes down to communication.  Not just talking but the total communication process.

There are 3 keys to communication – Engage, get their attention – Influence, share the important facts – Add Value, help them understand the benefit to them.

Now that sounds simple.  You might say communication is just talking, often about things that are not terribly important and that others do not want to hear.  Exactly, so let’s adjust our thinking and make communication exciting.  Become intentional in your communication, specifically the conversations you share with others.  It might be difficult to totally transform so pick your spots.

Perhaps  try it with your husband, wife, son or daughter.  Or someone you work with.  Here’s the routine.  Engage someone by making sure you have their attention.  How?  On the television screen I used to say this simple phrase ..”WATCH THIS!” and then pause.  It’s attention getting.  The words attract attention but the pause, the silence, it captures them.  It’s engaging.

Once engage, you have their attention, tell them the important information that they need to know and why they need to know it.  Be specific and to the point, brief, in your sharing.  Add energy and excitement.  Influence them with the information and the process of receiving the information.  Become an expert for the moment,  passing along the information in a way that they enjoy listening.

You might think that what you have to share is not important.  Then I suggest you just keep quite until you have something to say.  Or perhaps go discover some new excitement in your life or ways to help others understand they can be better than they think they can be!

Finally, let them know how the information can benefit them.  Add value to their lives!   Display how listening to you can help them grow, understand, learn, and be better than they were before they encountered you.  Make it an enjoyable experience listening to you.  Be sure that what you say, and how you say it, adds values to them.

You might say ….”All I want to do is share some information with them.  Gary, you’re trying to make it some grand event.”

That’s exactly what I am trying to do.  And so can you.  Try it!  It will help in your leadership development.

I Can Play

It’s simple, it really is!  Believe in yourself, in your success, and in your ability to get there.  Sure it helps you but it can also influence others.  The individuals you target along with everyone else you encounter!

OK, you’ve heard it before.  But have you started working on it, the self-belief part?  Let me give you a formula for this self-belief.

1)   Vision.  See it of course, but go beyond seeing your success to feeling it.  Goal setting is necessary in this development.  Writing out goals is a challenging process for many.  So challenging that few do it.  Have you done it?  Put on paper what you want to achieve.  Be specific about what it is you want.  Be exact about what day you want it to happen and most importantly create the feeling you will  have as you live your goals.  Some call it dreaming… but do it while you are awake.  Decide what it will feel like, decide how you will act, decide what you will say.  It will help you in your visioning, your goal-setting. Become what you want to be.  Act the way you want to act.  Think the way you will think when you become what you want to be.  See it happening!  You are transforming yourself into what you want to be.   And here’s a key word for the journey — FOCUS!  Focus on the goal (that’s visioning) and the picture will trigger the goal reaching process inside you, and what is inside causes you to take the actions necessary for you to become what you want to be.  It starts when you make your dreams real in your mind so you can call on them at any time.  You can feel it –Focus!  That’s Vision!

2) Positive Atmosphere.  Positive people see success, negative people see obstacles.  Do you believe dthat?  Individuals in my audiences say they do.  In fact I’ve never had an argument about it.  Now I do know negative individuals who have success but they fight it more because they focus on the “I Can’t” before deciding on the “I Can.”  Why not focus on the positive?  The path to achievement, to success, is quicker.  Will you have to overcome obstacles?  Probably.  But if you travel with a positive atmosphere you create a positive environment.  It’s what you bring to the issues, to the meeting, to the committee, to the challenge;  you bring a positive approach to the issue and make it easier to see and create success.  What do you see when you view your success?  Do you see why you can’t achieve or do you see the prize.  Do you focus on your talents and what you can do or the obstacles and the difficultly in thinking differently?  It’s up to you, no one else.  Do you focus on creating a positive atmosphere — and then living in it — and sharing it?  It’s a choice.  Get positive about how you think, how you act, and how you talk to yourself.  Start now to live in a positive atmosphere.  It’s your choice!

3) Risk.  The truth is we must take risk as we travel to success.  If we stay where we are, do not risk, then we stay where we are.  It’s safe but there’s no development or growth.  It’s easy to pick out the individuals who have failed to risk in their lives.  They are all around you.  Doing what they have always done and remaining where they have always been.  Sometimes they might tell you what they could have been or what they could have done.  Ask they why they didn’t reach what they could have done.  In some way they will get to the fact that they didn’t go after it.  Perhaps they had a challenge, or a tragedy, or perhaps they were just comfortable.  The reason is not important but the fact is they didn’t risk something new, something different.  To go somewhere you’ve never been you have to do something you’ve never done.   We need to attempt new feats to reach new heights!  And the exciting part of being a risk taker is that we learn and climb as we discover new processes and ideas.  Risk-taking becomes a way of life and moves us forward, we become comfortable taking risk.  When we become risk takers we grow.  Focus on growing, getting better- become a risk taker.

When we combine Vision, with Positive Atmosphere and Risk taking we start to trust ourselves and we start to believe in our talents, possibilities, opportunities, goals, and actions.  We believe in our selves and what we can accomplish.   We become comfortable reaching out and trying new things.  Failure does not scare us.  We understand we will stumble at times but we believe enough in ourselves not to worry about a temporary setback.   That’s living life with an I CAN PLAY attitude.  When you get there your Focus will change.  You will stay focused on success.  It’s a way of life.

Once you get this I CAN PLAY attitude, you will give it to others.  You can’t help it.  Your actions will influence others — the ones you target and the individuals you will never know that you’ve helped.  You can change the way people think about themselves and success!