Here’s the truth! People want to feel good about themselves. I know you know that. But keep it in mind as I continue with some thoughts on how we make presentations and in our general communication. Since we now both know the truth (that people want to feel good about themselves) I am going to operate within that understanding. My goal when I communicate with others will be to help them feel good about themselves. Not to give them information, not to tell them how to run their lives, not to tell them what to do. My goal with everything I say will be to help them feel good about themselves. This may sound very simple to you but many, and I am sure you know some, do not care how others feel. So, what benefit is it to me to help people feel better about themselves? Well, if I help them feel better about themselves they will listen to me. You would wouldn’t you? And if I help individuals feel better about themselves they might follow my lead, because they like what they hear, and see. And if they follow my lead, then I may be able to influence them to a certain way of thinking, convince them of an idea or plan of action. If that happens I have become a leader. In the past, when I stood in front of an audience, I wanted to be the smartest person in the room. I’ve changed my thinking. I now want the audience members to become the smartest people in the room, and I want them to get their information from me. I want them to feel better about themselves because of interaction with me. I want to influence them to think better of themselves. It’s a different way of thinking about communicating. Help others want to listen to you. There are skills and processes to make that happen, but first we need to buy into the idea. I worked with a gentleman, let’s call him Jim, who wanted to improve his communication skills. Well let me change that. He wanted to “stick it to his boss!” Yeah, that’s what he said. His boss said Jim appeared threatened and awkward whenever they talked. His boss said that Jim needed to improve how he communicated so Jim wanted to “stick it to him.” I told Jim I couldn’t help him reach his goal of “sticking it to his boss.” But I did offer that I could help him become a better presenter and communicator if that was his goal. I suggested his goal was misdirected. Let’s back up for a moment. If Jim’s goal was to “stick it to his boss”, he would never be able to help his boss feel better about himself, and remember that’s the communication goal I’m trying to sell. So, what I suggested for Jim to do is try and communicate so that his boss would feel better about himself. Each time they talked, attempt to help his boss reach a goal, convey a point, or try to learn something different about his boss. What happened is that Jim brought something new to the communication. A new way of thinking, of influencing , of taking control of the communication. And a side note, Jim started liking himself more because he was more positive in his communication. So I guess the real truth is, when we bring our best attitude to life in our communication, it will also help others with their attitude in life, and communication. That’s the TRUTH! I’ll post some of the simple communication processes in the upcoming weeks.
